Finally decided to use this blog thingy

Hello blog world. There have been quite a few changes in Suzy’s world in recent years. All of which I am thankful for. My life looks quite different these days. God has taken me on an amazing journey this past year and a half. Being sick and in pain for over a year can really take a lot out of someone. But it also can strengthen you, teaching you perseverance, giving you character, and showing you a hope and depth that you’ve never known. At first I let my illness and injury get me down… but then God’s sovereign hand pulled me up from the ashes and showed me that there is so much more to the life that I thought I knew.

This world is filled with incredible amounts of negativity. It comes down to making the choice of whether to add to it, or to join the revolution against it. I chose the latter, I chose to rise above. I’ve made the decision to surround myself with different people. And the choice to care more about the world and others, and less about myself, my possessions and how cool I am. It’s amazing how making that change can adjust the pessimistic influence in your life. And it’s freeing to be around people who you can feel safe to be honest and vulnerable with, knowing that they are going to love you for who you are and not who they expect you to be. After all, that's what grace is and it's the greatest gift that is given to us. I’ve been blessed with some of the most incredible friendships through all of this. As well as found healing in certain friendships that I had so missed.

My priorities have changed quite a bit. I’ve finally gotten on top of my anxiety and depression. No attacks for months now!!! I’ve nixed some bad habits, yay God! This summer I was down in Mexico on a service trip, helping build a youth center and fixing up kids bicycles. In addition to that, on a week to week basis I work with college students from my church. Most recently I’ve decided to go back to school… Yes, you heard it here folks.

Life has never been as fulfilling as it is today. And had I not gone through the suffering I did this past year and a half, these things never would have happened. I would not have grown up to be the same person that I am today. And for that, I am forever grateful. I never thought I could be as happy and content as I am now. I never thought I had the capabilities to be a person that I actually liked. My life has been changed. I have been changed. God is good.

Thank you to those of you who stuck by me, showing me grace and love through my hard times. Please know that I love you more than you will ever realize.

A few weeks ago at church, Clark and I were asked to share for a few minutes each in the Sunday morning service. Even though the thought of being on stage somehow restricts my breathing capacity, I didn’t want to miss out on this opportunity to be transparent and let people who I have grown to love see the real me. This has been a new challenge in my life. And since being honest with those around me is my new mission, I thought I would share with you as well.

Two years ago Clark and I stepped in to Open Door with searching hearts, unsure of what we were looking for, but hungry for something more. We were both wounded from life’s circumstances, almost to the point of being broken and losing hope. And even though I had known Jesus the majority of my life, I had become bitter and jaded from my tainted church upbringing where I had witnessed damaging corruption and hiddeness. I came to wonder if I could ever be vulnerable and trust in not only that capacity, but any.

For years I had mastered the double life, putting on my mask to family and friends, too afraid to let those close know the real me and the struggles that I dealt with. I felt more able to be honest with strangers, than those who I was told were my brothers and sisters in Christ. After all, I had seen some shun and look down on so many that dealt with issues similar to my own, that I knew I did not want to face the judgment that would surely come my way had I allowed them to know that part of me. I learned by example to hide the things that made me question and hurt, to put on a happy face and suck it up, when all I wanted to do was admit, “I’m not okay and I need help.”

After years of avoiding the church experience, Clark and I took a chance and came to Open Door. Slipping in and out the back, quietly observing, we attended anonymously for the first year. I left each service in tears after hearing piercing testimonies and truths that in all my years of church I had never been shown. As it turned out, I was not the only one who had these issues and questions. In fact week after week, different people got up and shared more openness than I had ever witnessed in a church setting. These people were real, with honest struggles, people I could actually relate to. And even though they admitted they didn’t have it all together, through them I was able to see a true reflection of Jesus. As I observed, I heard messages on, and watched people live out “Love” and “Grace”, two words of which I had heard plenty of times, but had been abused, overused and never fully understood.

About a year and a half ago, my already shaky life was finally turned upside down. Two friends and I were driving home from a concert and hit by a drunk driver. Due to injuries and illness that came after the accident, I had hit rock bottom physically, mentally and spiritually. Thankfully God, in His timing, had surrounded me with a community of believers who through their words and example lifted me up and guided me through my journey, teaching me who God really is and who I am in Him. Helping me to embrace and live out of the new nature that God had instilled in me, while showing me what it means to be loved and live without fear.

I’ve been shown that on my worst day I am “Christ In Suzy” and no longer defined by my weaknesses, afflictions or mistakes. I now know that salvation isn’t only for when we die, but it’s available for us here, right now, offering us freedom from this world and the things that we’ve allowed convince us that we are nothing more than the darkness we are capable of.

These past couple years I have faced many trials, but as things began to settle, I realized my heart was being transformed and brought through incredible healing. Not only from the events which occurred, but freedom from debilitating pain and anger that I had been carrying for years.

I recently heard a quote which says, "God loves us just the way we are, but loves us too much to let us stay that way."

God allowed me to be broken, so that I could finally be made whole.

Through the lessons that came through suffering, and by recognizing His protection of placing me in the hands of this community of people, who invested in me for no reason other than to just love me, I finally came to understand and receive God’s love. In addition to that, I’ve come to know the peace that comes through trusting Him. And In return I am being equipped to offer that hope to others, particularly to the young adults in the college age ministry which I am privileged to now be a part of. I am grateful for all that it’s taken to get me to this point and forever thankful that God brought me here to this incredible family. I don’t know where I’d be without them. Finally the walls are coming down, the mask is off, and standing as a new creation, I am able to truly be loved and love in return.

Below is a little excerpt from the book TrueFaced, which has been instrumental in changing my world.